It feels to me like people change all the time. I have come to terms with this tendency of human nature.
“Change is inevitable. Change is the only constant”, they say.
These kind of phrases helped me stay grounded and helped me to accept the changes around me. But for some reason, some changes make me lose my mind. It makes me the person I don’t want to be. The person who gets damaged by the slightest change in their lives, the person who forgets the human they are and the person who forgets the yearn to evolve… I don’t want to be that person. But still whenever scenarios are brought upon me that makes me forget that yearn, I carry within myself, the anger gets to me. As if I spilled a drop of blood in my ocean of emotion and the angry shark gets the smell and it swims up to me, in a ferocious speed. Most of the time, I let it devour me. The shark gets its satisfaction after having a part of me. I survive, but I lose a piece of me. I am losing it. Bit by bit. I am afraid, someday I will lose everything. Every ounce of me. And then become a part of that monstrous creature that has consumed me in every given opportunity. But the worst part of my fear is not that I’ll lose myself completely. It’s what will happen after I become a part of the monster, residing in its gut, slowly degenerating and getting mixed up in it’s each and every cell. My worst fear, thus, is to resurrect as the shark itself. I am afraid not for my inexistence, but for the change of myself to a monster. “Change is inevitable. Change is the only constant. “, they say. The phrase that has shaped me up, seems to be turning into my undoing. I wonder, is that where I’m headed?
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